Daily Post

Loving You

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Mistake

I sit idly flipping through old photographs of you and me together. I’m flooded with the memories, good and bad. I remember when we took the trip up the coast and I insisted we keep the top down even though it was February. My teeth chattered and I shivered against the damp, frigid air, but I refused to admit I was cold. Then at the Inn you quietly lit a fire and pulled me close against you until my insides had thawed and you never said a word.

I remember the time you scattered wild flower seeds instead of grass seed in the backyard without telling me. That summer our yard came alive with color and we would sit on the back porch on the swing, toes skimming the wood floor, as we swayed in time to the song of the crickets and cicadas, drinking in the sweet smell of the blooms.

And I remember when the fights started. Small in the beginning, over inconsequential things. Then more intense, where had I been all day (with Andrea on a shopping spree), why had you not answered your cell phone (your lunch with a client ran very late). Seeds of doubt were planted then.

I remember when you fell out of love with me. “It wasn’t your fault,” you told me. “We’ve been drifting apart for months.” I had to agree. But I didn’t have to like it. “Is there someone else?” I didn’t want to ask but I had to know. Your silence was all I needed.

I remember the first time we met. You said “Molly, I have a feeling you’re going to change my life.” I’d like to think I did.

Loving you was the best mistake I ever made.

Silent Witness

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Witness

I sat on my bed and listened to their raised voices. It always started the same. First the hushed sounds, then louder words, then screams with voices I hardly recognized. They thought I was asleep. Every night I was a silent witness to their marriage, falling apart, and my world crumbling before my eyes.

Lost Chances

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Daily Prompt – Obvious

He smiled at her from across the room. She smiled back. He didn’t want to seem too obvious so he quickly dropped his eyes to the phone in his hand. He counted to ten, an appropriate amount of time he thought. He didn’t want to seem too anxious. Smiling in anticipation he looked up to seek out her eyes. There was only an empty chair where she had been sitting.

Begin Again

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Daily Prompt – Miniature

I shoved the key card in the door and when the light flashed green I pushed down on the handle and swung the door inward. The pitch black room had a stale, sanitized odor. I pulled my suitcase behind me while I fumbled for the light switch.

I turned every light on, even the bathroom light, but the room still had a shadowy feel. After months of darkness I yearned for the light. Sighing my relief, for the first time all day I let my shoulders relax.

I turned the shower on full heat, letting the steam fill the small room. Standing under the spray I washed off the remnants of the life I had just left behind.

I pulled my worn cotton pajamas on and took stock of the mini bar. Pulling out a diet soda and two miniature bottles of vodka I settled myself onto the bed, remote control next to me, my journal on my lap, and began to write my story.

Just In Case

~ Susan Jarreau ~ 1 Comment

Daily Prompt – Learning

I’m learning to live without you again. I sleep in the middle of the bed and in the morning I leave the covers in a rumpled pile. I listen to my favorite music when I shower and I sing out loud because I know I won’t wake you. I kick off my shoes and leave them by the front door when I get home from work. And my jewelry sits in a tangled mess on the dresser until weeks end when I put it away. I don’t have to worry about being neat and tidy all the time now that you’re gone. But I left your side of the closet empty just in case you decide to come back.

Fifty Ways

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Daily Prompt – Fifty

Today he became just another man. There is nothing special about him; he’s lost his shine. His eyes don’t sparkle, his smile doesn’t light up the room, he blends into the crowd. He is no longer extraordinary. The stars don’t shine for him and he doesn’t hang the moon. There may be fifty ways to leave your lover but there’s only one way to break my heart. And he found it.

A Shaky Truce

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Daily Prompt – Jeopardize

You walk in the door and I timidly call out, “How was your day?” as if it were any other day. I know we’re on shaky ground and I don’t want to jeopardize the truce we fought so hard to broker. I flinch as you hurl your satchel on the sofa next to me. “I don’t want to talk about it.” You make your move straight to the liquor cabinet and I close my eyes, silently praying that tonight will be an early one.

“There’s a roast in the oven.” My voice sounds overly cheerful but you don’t notice, nor do you comment on my peculiar attempt at domesticity. “I’m not hungry.” You mutter as you slump into the neighboring loveseat, the same one you fought against. ‘It’s too flowery. It looks girly.’ I guess a stiff glass of bourbon gives it a more manly feel.

I sit rigidly upright, suddenly very aware of the odor of desolation in the room. I’m afraid the somber mood mixed with alcohol will lead to another fight, one from which we may not recover. My eyes dart around, looking for any distraction. “Lindsay sent a postcard from Madrid. Maybe we can plan a vacation in the spring.” It was a lame attempt for a commitment on your part. Will you still be here in six months? You merely shrug your shoulders and take a long sip of bourbon. That is the only answer I needed.

Storytellers

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Eyes

Her eyes told her story.

When she laughed they shimmered like sparkling diamonds glinting in the sunlight.

When she cried they darkened like the ebony ocean water on a stormy day.

In anger they burned like hot coals with fury and rage.

At peace they were luminous and captivating, drawing you in to see her soul.

Darkness Follows

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Daily Prompt – Moon

I gaze sadly at the night sky. The darkness used to be my favorite time, alone with you snuggled in the chaise on the porch with a blanket wrapped around us. I stay inside now and peer at the sky from the safety of my warm room. Without your warmth the chill of the night air is intolerable. We don’t see the same moon and stars anymore. The sky has lost its shimmery magic. The man in the moon mocks me and the stars blink their disbelief.

I Wander

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Ghost

 

The ghost of me wanders this house

As if you had never left

Waiting patiently to hear

The click of the lock on the front door

And feel the rush

Of the cold winter air

As the door opens

And your presence warms

The otherwise bleak foyer

I’ve lost count of the number of weeks

I’ve wandered

Waiting patiently

A ghost of the person

I used to be

Old Photographs 

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Carry

I carry you around in my heart like people carry old photographs in their wallets. The edges are worn with wear and the image smudged with fingerprints and love.

Heart and Soul

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Daily Prompt – Confused

I sit staring into space, my mind still trying to make sense of everything. Even after all these weeks I’m left shaken and confused, as if my world has been turned upside down and shaken like a snow globe, then righted and left with the flakes yet to settle. I had invested so much of myself in you to be left with a hole in my heart and a deep ache in my soul.

little boy lost

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Complicated

“Have you told your mother yet?” She asked the question idly while looking at the ring on her left hand. She was still awed by its size and beauty. She couldn’t have chosen a more perfect diamond herself. Looking up she watched as he poured two glasses of wine. He still hadn’t answered the question so she pressed on. “Did you hear me?”

He slowly picked up the wine goblets and paused before turning, fixing a smile on his face. “It’s complicated.” His two-word answer only agitated her. She refused the glass he offered. “How complicated could it be? You proposed, I said yes. That seems pretty simple.” She saw a dark look cross his face so quickly, almost imperceptible but she knew. Her eyebrow raised in suspicion. “Or is the fact that I’m but a lowly shop girl keeping you from telling dear mum?”

His silence was all she needed. She stood and reached for her coat and handbag. He moved quickly to intercept her, an attempt to allay her correct assumptions. “You know my mother has high expectations when it comes to her only son. I have to wait for the right time to tell her. It’s”

“Complicated.” She finished the sentence for him, making no attempt to hide the contempt in her eyes. She grabbed the coat from his hands and put it on, slowly buttoning it, prolonging his bewilderment. Removing the engagement ring she placed it in his hand and curled his fingers over it, encasing it in his palm. “When you find an uncomplicated girl you can give her this.”

Ferry Boats and Shooting Stars

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Daily Prompt – Reach

Our laughter fills the night air as you pull me in for a long kiss. I can taste the whiskey on your tongue, the bite contrasts to the sweet wine I’ve drunk. Leaning against the rail I see the dark, churning water below. There’s something romantic about a ferry boat ride to Nantucket for a long romantic weekend. Even on this cool September night I insist we stand outside under the full moon. I see a shooting star and in my excitement tug on your sleeve, urging you to make a wish. I’ve already made mine and smile at your profile, pronounced by the light of the moon and stars, watching as you intently think then close your eyes, a silent prayer lifted to the universe.

As we near our destination I’m content to stand encircled in your arms, your warmth radiates onto me providing respite from the cool, damp fall air. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine and you pull me closer against your body, my back against your chest, my ass against your groin. I can feel your desire and think of the delicious night that lies ahead. You can’t see the wicked smile that crosses my lips but my hands reach behind me to grab your ass and pull you closer still. I can see the dock ahead and I’m counting the minutes until we’re safely in our room, locked away from prying eyes, alone and intimately close. I try to steady my breath, pacing myself, waiting.

Suddenly I feel a jolt and lose my footing. I’m tousled about like a leaf in a strong wind. Grasping, I reach for your hand and feel only your fingers, slipping away until it’s just the fingertips then nothing but space. In slow motion I fly through the air, like an astronaut in zero gravity, with no particular destination. I feel a dull thud as I crash against the railing then an icy shock as I hit the water.

I plunge underneath the surface, taking in a mouthful of acrid water before I realize where I am. Kicking my feet, I push upward and emerge from the depths, spitting out the water then taking a deep inhale. I look around in shock, trying to get my bearings. Carnage surrounds me. Twisted metal, bodies, flotsam and jetsam. It feels like years since I was on the deck, encircled in your arms. I twirl in the water, screaming your name. The full moon doesn’t provide enough light to find my way to you. I paddle in one direction then another desperate to find you.

A rescue raft approaches and a man extends his hand. My self-preservation kicks in and I reach for it. My heart sinks at the thought of abandoning you to the icy water. I pray that my wish upon the shooting star will come true. That you will be the one who makes my life complete.

Brain Noise

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Obsessed

I am always slightly, or overly obsessed with something. I must have something in my life to capture my attention so thoroughly that the noise in my brain is kept at bay. If I wasn’t obsessed with something at all times my mind would simply explode with the random thoughts that sprout and blossom at a constant and rapid rate. My obsessions keep things manageable; keep me from going stark raving mad.

For a Friend

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Surface

The pond was still, its surface as smooth as glass. The sun glinted off the azure blue and hit his eyes, his hand raising reflexively to provide shade. He took in a deep breath, the smell of wildflowers and grass heavy in the thick summer air. The heat was oppressive and he could feel beads of sweat rolling down his chest and back.

He recalled his youth; lazy days spent with friends doing nothing and trying hard to stay out of trouble. Everything had been so simple then. He closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer for his recently deceased childhood friend. “This one’s for you Rusty.” He took a running start and did a cannonball off the dock, breaking the clear surface of the water, creating a cascade of waves.

Surfacing, he pushed back his hair and smiled, looking at the bright sky. “I miss you brother.”

it never ends

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Maybe

Maybe today I’ll start writing that story. The one I thought of at 3 am on Thursday when I couldn’t sleep. I know I have notes written somewhere. Oh, here’s the invitation to my nephew’s wedding. Maybe I’ll get online and pick out a gift from their registry since the wedding is in three weeks. Let me just sign in. Oh, an email from my mother. I forgot to return her call last week. Now she’s giving me the guilt trip in writing. Maybe I should call her, where’s my cell phone. I think I left it on the charger, upstairs. Aargh, why do those boys think it’s okay to leave their shoes and books on the stairs? I’ll drop them on their bedroom floor on the way. Good Lord, when did the tornado hit this room? Maybe we need to have another talk about cleanliness. Where was I? Oh yes, the phone. Maybe after I call mom I can take a long nice soak in the bath. That will help me relax and I’ll sleep better. Then I won’t be up at 3 am thinking about a new story. Wait, maybe before I call mom I should start writing that story while it’s fresh in my mind.

Leaving

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Joke

“This has to be a joke.” I stared across the room at the suitcase sitting near the front door. His vacant eyes told me all I needed to know. I exhaled deeply. “Are you in love with her? No, don’t answer, I don’t want to know.”

I fought back tears, too proud to let him see me cry. God how I wished this was a joke.

“You’re really leaving? Throwing away ten years for someone you met two months ago?” He still hadn’t said a word, perhaps too ashamed to try and explain. Or maybe he just didn’t care.

I turned my back and stared out the window, arms folded tightly across my chest. “Just go.” I heard the sound of the front door opening then the click as the door knob latched back in place.

And just like that he was gone. It was no joke.

This One’s For The Girls

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Daily Prompt – Luxury

I’m a material girl. I admit it with no shame whatsoever. I appreciate luxury. I appreciate the finer things life has to offer. This is not to say I always spend a lot of money on things. But when I do buy things, I spend a lot of money. I find that you usually do get what you pay for. And that sometimes you’re worth the splurge. And every so often you should buy something so deliciously out of reach that you smile for a week just thinking about it. Hell, I have a forbidden treasure that I smile about three years after I bought it. Everyone deserves to have breakfast at Tiffany’s now and again.

Look Into My Eyes

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Daily Prompt – Paint

I pull up to the building and stare with vacant eyes. Sitting for the few precious remaining moments in my air-conditioned car, I listen to the sad song chosen especially for the drive. Lately everything I do is chosen to reflect my sad state of mind. I’ve begun to retreat inside myself, to my imaginary world where I am in control. Where things go smoothly and the world seems right and just and everything has a shiny Disney tint.

But there are times, like right now, sitting in my car waiting to go to work, when I have to return to reality. When the real world intrudes on the perfect world I’ve constructed in my head. Sighing, I check my makeup in the mirror and paint a smile on my face. I note the sadness in my eyes. I can’t change that, only hope that nobody will see past the fake smile and notice that it doesn’t quite extend to my eyes. The eyes always tell the story. If you want to know about anyone, look into their eyes. You will see everything you need to see.

My fatal flaw

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Stubborn

I’m stubborn. It’s both a flaw and a strength. When I feel strongly about something I’ll dig my heels in and my faith will not waver. If I’m on your side, you will appreciate my obstinance. Together we will slay dragons and conquer the world.

But when there is discord I refuse to yield. Détente is merely a sophisticated word to me. There is no compromise and you don’t want to be on the wrong side of the sword. It’s my fatal flaw really. The fact that I’m stubborn is both a blessing and a curse. It only depends on which side you fall.

A Gift to You, Whoever You Are

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Praise

I write words. My voice is my own. An authentic representation of the ideas that roam around in my head. They come out through my pen onto paper, sometimes haphazardly, until I organize and reform them into cohesive thoughts.

I send these missives out as a gift. A piece of myself I’m willing to share with strangers. Still, they are a part of me. I am as proud of them as I am proud of myself. I welcome your perusal. I appreciate your kind response. But I don’t need your praise. My own gratification is approval enough.

Craving

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Daily Prompt – Craving

My eyes flutter open and I look at the clock. 3 am. I have a craving that only you can fill. A need deep inside me; physical, carnal, emotional, spiritual, all at once. I reach for your side of the bed and feel the cool sheets under my fingers. Blinking I try to remember. Yes, you left three days ago. The note on the bedside table said you would be back sometime in the fall. You had to find yourself.

Turning on my side I reach for your pillow and pull it against my body, as if it could replace you. It smells of your cologne and sweat and our love. I close my eyes and let my memories of our last time flood over me as I touch myself, allowing a physical release that would have to suffice. My craving will not be completely sated until the leaves make their magical transformation into their splendid autumn color palette. Until you return to me.

My torment and salvation

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Muse

My muse likes to taunt me. Like a mermaid perched on a rock in the middle of the rough seas she calls to me. And I, always naive, grasp at her. I can feel her graze against my fingertips, just out of reach. She calls me to her rocky shores, dangerous territory to a novice writer like me. I have not yet learned to navigate the highs and lows that writers experience from a coquettish muse.  She mocks me and I respond with resentment and indignation. But muse has far more experience than I. She giggles and retreats to her perch, waiting for my next foray into the written word.

Profound

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Daily Prompt – Profound

Profound. Such an easy word to write about, I thought. I sat and thought and nothing came to mind. This is silly. It shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll look up the definition. Adj: having deep insight or understanding; deep meaning; going beneath what is superficial. Okay, now we’re talking. Here we go. . . . Still nothing. Perhaps it’s the word itself that intimidates me. How can I write about something being profound when the word evokes such high standards and lofty ideals. My life is not profound. I’m just an average sort of person living an average sort of life. I’m prone to sarcasm. At times I am humorous. But profound is not a word I use in my everyday vernacular. it really does intimidate me. Perhaps because I like being an average sort of person living an average sort of life. Even if I really could be more. It feels safe. And for now I think I’ll stay on the safe side.

No Apology

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Daily Prompt – Apology

I make no apology for who I am.

I’ve traveled beyond that point in my life.

Where I have to explain myself.

Or try to be something I’m not.

Take me as I am or leave me.

I make no apology.

This I who I am.

Narcisissm

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Daily Prompt – Dramatic

“Don’t be so goddamned dramatic.” He spat the words out as if they were poison.

His words were poison to me. I had caught him again. This time before he had a chance to do anything, but he was still caught. It was an email with directions to a hotel room where she should meet him. While I was away on a business trip. Again. At least he was predictable.

When I confronted him with the evidence of course he deflected the conversation to me and my so-called insecurities. “Don’t be so goddamned dramatic.” He said that the first time I accused him and so I, in my shame, retracted my accusation. Then later learned it was true. He back-pedaled and told me it was my fault for smothering him, and I believed him. Each time, each story, each shameful reproach I believed.

This time I caught him before he cheated. Still, he was ready with the deflection. He was prepared to shame me into submission. “Don’t be so goddamned dramatic. It was nothing. Just a meeting. You’re so fucking paranoid.”

I took a deep breath and looked at his face. Suddenly he didn’t seem so handsome, he lacked the charm of our first meeting. The shiny new version had been replaced by this dull, tedious, tiresome person I no longer recognized.

I stood to face him. “No drama.” I kissed him on the cheek and walked out the door, smiling.

On the Other Side

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Daily Prompt – Admire

She stared across the street and thought, “I admire you. You leave the house in the mornings looking so polished in your business suit and designer shoes. Your hair and makeup are always in place and your nail polish is never chipped or dull. Your house must be immaculate. No crayon marks on the walls or juice stains on the carpet. You probably have time to yourself each night, to read or take a bath with no interruption.” She sighed and turned back to the clamor of her children behind her and began to pick up the toys strewn across the messy living room floor.

She stared across the street and thought, “I admire you. You kiss your husband good-bye every morning while holding your newborn baby. You stay home and raise your three beautiful children. Your days are full with the meaning of caring for your family. Your house must be full with the sounds of laughter and love. You probably never feel alone, there’s always someone to hug or kiss you when you need it.” She sighed and turned back to the silence of the empty room and poured herself a glass of wine.

What’s in a Word?

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Daily Prompt – Wind

I wind down the curving dirt drive, minding the potholes and making a mental note to tell him to fill them in. It doesn’t matter that nobody visits. I’m somebody. I visit every weekend. I guess daughters don’t count.

I pull up to the house, turn off the ignition and sit in the still silence looking at my childhood home. The faded blue paint is peeling off the shutters and front steps. Cobwebs have taken over all of the corners of the expansive porch. The windows could use a good cleaning but the screens have recently been replaced and the two wooden rocking chairs on the porch have fresh paint. Dad is ready for spring.

Maybe it’s a good sign. Since my mom died I’ve had to fight with him over the smallest of things. From wiping down the kitchen counters each night to sweeping the front porch. The porch I can overlook. I walk inside carrying bags of groceries and see no crumbs on the counters. I’ll take this small victory and move on to the next. Maybe I can even overlook the potholes for the time being. Sometimes moving forward means taking baby steps.

I Am

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Daily Prompt – Unstoppable

It’s a feeling you have when you’re young. Before the world has shown you its cruelty and worn your spirit. Like a seed planted just after the last winter frost, that bursts forth with the spring rains. You are invincible. You are driven. You are unstoppable. One day you will be a force to be reckoned with. One day you will be exactly who you plan to be.

Then one day comes and you look in the mirror and you don’t see the invincible, driven, unstoppable woman you planned to be. You weren’t a force to be reckoned with. You smile. Even better. You became the woman you see in the mirror.