A lonely child
Hiding in the dark
Praying to be discovered
But fearing to be uncovered
Why can’t she be more like the rest of us?
They asked
A lonely teen
Struggling to fit in
Praying to be accepted
But fearing to be rejected
Why can’t she conform to society’s norms?
They asked
A lonely adult
Standing proudly on her own
Praying to be comprehended
But fearing to be misunderstood
Why can’t they accept me for who I am?
I cried
Slowly I fade
Childhood memories
Tossed about on the pages of my mind
Growing dimmer
With the passing of time
Slowly I fade
Friendships fading
Brittle as autumn leaves
Scattered across the forest floor
A victim of Father Time and Mother Earth
Slowly I fade
Family once gathered
Now torn apart
No ties binding
Only tears and regret for what was
Slowly I fade
Away
Tears of blood and sweat
Course through the parched earth
Leaving puddles
Of faded red, white, and blue
Across the once verdant green land
I call home
He was lost to me now
In time and distance
A memory I desperately
Wanted to relive
Or maybe just a dream
Dancing on the edge
Of my heart
I closed my eyes
And heard the sound of his voice
Calling my name
It was all so vivid
I couldn’t tell
Where imaginary began
And reality ended
I died long ago
A talking corpse now
I walk the earth
An empty shell
A hazy reminder
Of life’s imperfections
And forgotten dreams
Once you accept
That not everyone
Will be happy
In their life
You begin
To be able
To breathe
Again
I am a child of the stars
My destiny is written
In the shadows of the universe
Where rainbows of light
Burst through the air
Arcs of hopes and dreams
Ready to alight
On a distant moon
In a far-off galaxy
I build castles in the sky
To escape the prison walls
Around my heart
That years of pain
And fear and neglect
Have fixed into place
Mortar and stone
Cemented with tears
An impenetrable fortress
Leaving me safe but alone
Shades of gray
Tinge my hollow eyes
My heart cries bitter tears
That refuse to bleed
And there is an
Overwhelming emptiness
Where the sad used to be
I softly whispered, “Where did you go?”
To the sleeping ghost of a man beside me.
He was all but gone from me now.
The only thing left was the actual goodbye.
He had been leaving for a while now,
It was a long time coming.
Still, I was wholly unprepared
For the ache in my heart
And the hole in my life
That had yet to appear
But had already consumed me.
For now, I would lie next to him
And welcome his warmth.
And take this one last chance
To remember all that might have been.
He offered me a house
Of cards
Built on false hopes
And empty promises
Sweet words of
Dreams come true
Offered on a
Cloud lined with silver plate
Tell me your secrets and I’ll tell you mine.
Whispered regrets
Broken promises
Untamed dreams
Nothing is sacred, and nothing is real.
Broken heart
Hollow words
Empty promises
Lies turned into good intentions
Are still lies
Cutting deep
Into my soul
I tried to ease your pain and
You turned instead to the bottle or
To the bed of a dozen nameless,
Faceless women who could do
Little to soothe the parts of you
That needed healing
I whisper my dreams to the night air
Carried away to a distant star
They dance in the universe
And rain down on me
Blessings from the heavens
I confess my love in silence
Words of adoration offered as a prayer
You, unwilling victim
Never knowing my heart’s desire
She woke in a dark room
The silhouette of a familiar stranger tangled in the sheets beside her
She slipped quietly out of the bed and dressed quickly
Eager to leave before he stirred
Like a thief stealing away without a trace
Into the early morning dawn
The promises of a new day on the horizon
She was the thief of her own heart
Never allowing herself close enough to anyone
To risk the loss
Bury my heart in a shallow grave.
Water the flowers with my tears.
My soul at rest, I no longer crave
The promise of our eternal years.
I kept my love for you hidden.
Silently I watched you.
Secretly I ached for you.
Alone I still wait.
Hoping.
Praying.
Longing.
lollipop dreams danced in her memory
visions once so vivid now forgotten
a faraway twinkle in her eyes
every now and again when she smiled
the only reminder of days long ago
made of fairy tales and shooting stars
I sat curled up on the shower floor –
The darkness broken only by the faint light
From a crack in the door –
Until the warm water turned from cool to cold.
There were still pieces of sadness and shame
Clinging to my skin as I reluctantly stood and
Turned the faucet off, my body dripping regret,
And grabbed a towel.
I think I would rather be alone.
Alone is painful.
Alone is empty.
Alone is hollow and desolate and endless.
But not alone and hiding who you are is exhausting.
And not alone and pitied by those who know is shameful and humiliating.
Yes ~ I think I would rather be alone.
My old friend you’re back.
In such an unwelcome way.
Taken up residence once again
In my heart and in my head.
My casual smile belies the bitter anger
Rising in my blood.
I had come so far.
But we all have our limits.
Invisible tethers designed to keep us
From straying too far from our destiny.
And that’s all it is after all ~ destiny.
My life is a lie
I am a façade
Peel back the layers and you will find hollow emptiness
No core, no seed, no evidence of any being
Without the masks I’ve carefully crafted for myself, I am . . . not
Sad souls speak no words.
Empty hearts beat loud
A beacon seeking something
To fill their hollow walls.
When lovers turn into strangers, the universe releases a sad sigh and extinguishes a star.
Love is a blind collaboration
Two hearts believing
Two souls trusting
With no guarantee of anything
Beyond this kiss
My heart aches and there is an overwhelming emptiness where the sadness used to be.
Watercolor memories
drip from the canvas of my mind
and pool on the surface below,
my life a rainbow
on the sidewalk of my soul.
Susan Jarreau - Of Dreams and Disasters 