inspiration

Bittersweet Goodbye

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

How do you say good-bye to an old friend? A person you thought you knew, one you could count on to get you through the hard days. The days when you wanted to give up and curl into a ball and stop living. The one person who could make you smile when all you wanted to do was cry. The person whose laugh could instantly erase the demons from your mind. The person you turned to when you had nobody else. The person who would always say yes when the world said no. How do you say “I don’t want you in my life any more” when it only breaks your heart to feel this way?

Good-bye old friend. I will miss you. But I’m a better person for knowing you.

Narcisissm

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

Daily Prompt – Dramatic

“Don’t be so goddamned dramatic.” He spat the words out as if they were poison.

His words were poison to me. I had caught him again. This time before he had a chance to do anything, but he was still caught. It was an email with directions to a hotel room where she should meet him. While I was away on a business trip. Again. At least he was predictable.

When I confronted him with the evidence of course he deflected the conversation to me and my so-called insecurities. “Don’t be so goddamned dramatic.” He said that the first time I accused him and so I, in my shame, retracted my accusation. Then later learned it was true. He back-pedaled and told me it was my fault for smothering him, and I believed him. Each time, each story, each shameful reproach I believed.

This time I caught him before he cheated. Still, he was ready with the deflection. He was prepared to shame me into submission. “Don’t be so goddamned dramatic. It was nothing. Just a meeting. You’re so fucking paranoid.”

I took a deep breath and looked at his face. Suddenly he didn’t seem so handsome, he lacked the charm of our first meeting. The shiny new version had been replaced by this dull, tedious, tiresome person I no longer recognized.

I stood to face him. “No drama.” I kissed him on the cheek and walked out the door, smiling.

Feast – A Mother’s Lament

~ Susan Jarreau ~ 2 Comments

Daily Prompt – Feast

The linens had been pressed and neatly draped across the cherry table. The china was removed from the cabinet and carefully washed and dried then meticulously arranged. The silver retrieved from its chest and polished to gleam brightly, placed just so in a precise order. Crystal goblets of various sizes came from the highest shelves of the cupboard and found their places at each place setting. Five in all, four for her son’s family and one for her. Last years candles were replaced with fresh new white candles bought yesterday, their white wicks standing stiffly upright.

The timing had to be perfect. Her list in hand, she began to check off each item one by one. As the time neared, her heart began to quicken and a smile formed on her face. This year she was nearly impeccable. She moved quickly to pull food out of the steamy oven, place it neatly onto serving trays, positioned appealingly. The feast was arranged exquisitely on the table. She lit the candles and waited. They were sure to arrive any minute. The invitation had been set for 7:00. And it was precisely 7:00.

She poured herself a half glass of white wine. She knew they would come. Perhaps they were stuck in traffic. She looked at the clock and it was 7:15. Perhaps one of the children’s soccer games ran late. They could have called but it must have slipped their minds.She looked at the clock and it was 7:30. She poured herself another half glass of white wine. Perhaps. Perhaps. She sighed and finished her wine then stood and blew the candles out. Happy birthday to me.

Opening Line

~ Susan Jarreau ~ Leave a comment

It was the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. The temptation had been there for months, festering like an undressed wound. She tried to ignore the flirtatious smiles, the lingering stares, his fingers grazing her skin as he reached past her on the park bench to tie the shoelaces of the toddler in front of them. Her husband traveled during the week, his wife was trying to make partner, leaving them long afternoons tending to three children, his son and her two daughters.

They met in the park. She, a stay-at-home mother, found relief at the park. Fresh air and time when she could pretend to be alone. He, a writer who worked from home, found inspiration at the park. His senses were on overload picking up every nuance and storing it away in his mind.

They didn’t mean for it to happen. A look turned into a smile. A smile turned into a “hello”.  Soon small talk turned into meaningful conversation. They took solace in one another.  It started out innocently enough. He complained that his wife didn’t listen to what he had to say. She complained that her husband didn’t provide emotional support. Soon complaints turned into accusations. His wife didn’t care, her husband didn’t love her.

Each step brought them closer and closer to this day. The first time. It was at least a fancy hotel room. He spared no expense. She left her daughters with a neighbor, feigning an unexpected appointment. He hired a babysitter leaving no explanation.

They sat awkwardly on the bed wondering if they would be able to go through with it. It was their first time. It was good. It was very good. It wouldn’t be the last.