Feelings, Unwanted

I immerse myself fully in my daydreams, a welcome escape from the pain that daily life provides. Although I want for nothing, my God has allowed me a gift to feel everything. Most days I curse him; feelings unwanted, unexpected, a constant onslaught are no gift, but a penance. And I wonder what sin I have committed, what grievance so severe could demand repayment of such agony and torment.

The Return

I pulled my phone from my purse and held it up, framing him and me in the picture before clicking the camera button. “I think we should record this for posterity.” He pulled me into his arms and playfully bit my neck. “It hasn’t been that bad has it?” My country singing boyfriend had spent months on the road then, when he finally returned, his weekends were booked at bars and small venues just outside of driving distance of our apartment. With my hectic work schedule during the week, we barely had time to see each other. But he’d just given me the exciting news that he would be home for the second weekend in a row. The previous weekend had been spent almost entirely naked and in bed and a wicked grin formed on my face as the thought of a repeat performance played in my mind.

“I know your mind is in the gutter.” His words sounded so innocent but his hooded eyes told a different story altogether. Large, strong hands pulled my hips against him and I felt him harden at the contact. His full, lush lips brushed along my jawline, aiming for the sensitive skin of my neck where he knew my sensitivities lay. “I guess we could venture outside at some point.” My words trailed off as my hands tugged at the hem of his shirt, lifting it over his head then running my fingers over his taut chest. I could feel his smile in his kiss.