Closure

Pushing myself off his chest I rolled onto the bed next to him, panting to catch my breath and sighing with satisfaction. Feeling completely exhausted but sated after our lovemaking, I knew it was probably a bad idea to be here with him. How many times in the past had he broken my heart? But he was like a drug to me. No, screw drugs. He was like a pair of Christian Louboutins. Expensive. Forbidden. Extravagant. Definitely out of my price range. But a soon as you slipped your foot inside and felt the soft leather mold to your skin you were hooked.

“That was amazing. You know we’re so good together. Why did we ever break up?” I didn’t answer his question, didn’t even look at him. I just picked a spot on the ceiling to focus on while his hands roamed over my breasts, my stomach, his lips dipped to kiss the soft spot on my neck, the place he knew gave me shivers. I took in a deep breath and wondered if I could forgive his transgressions. I wasn’t getting any younger. God knew, my mother reminded me on every phone call she made. I let out an involuntary shudder as he hit the sweet spot. “Baby, you know you want me as much as I want you. Why are you fighting it?” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, enjoying his teasing tongue exploring the most tender parts of my body.

With my eyes closed I should have just enjoyed the amazing feelings I was experiencing, but my mind took over and played a tug-of-war with my body. The incredible physical sensations were countered with the cognitive memories of how this had played out in the past. As his mouth nibbled at my ear I recalled the night he told me he was staying home sick, only to find him out at the same bar my friends took me to, hitting on a much younger woman who looked uncannily like me, a woman he left with and never mentioned to me. Squirming uncomfortably, he moved his focus to my breast and I shivered in delight as he sucked my nipple into his mouth, rolling it around playfully. I knew he cheated more than once. Did it matter to me now? He seemed contrite.

“Baby, you know it’s just you. It’s always been just you.” There. It was something in his tone. Insincerity. He was trying to sell it to me. I reached up and turned off the lamp, leaving the the room dimly lit, scarcely¬† able to see his face. Maybe he was good for one more thing. “I think I can go again.”

 

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